I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
