I wish i was in the wii world.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
