i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
