i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
