I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
