upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
