Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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