Soap is not a condiment
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
