He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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