Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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