I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
