HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
