Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
