i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
