explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
