So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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