Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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