We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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