just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
