Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
