You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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