when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
