It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
