I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
