so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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