Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
