you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
