Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
