Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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