My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
