Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
