no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
