I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
