As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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