Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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