Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
