My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
