I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
