he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
