She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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