just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
