That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Acid is not a monday night drug
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
