is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
