So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
