watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
