after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
