Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
