I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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