i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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