and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
