he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
