VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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