I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
